Six (More) Cringe-Worthy Networking Blunders
Oct 31, 2011 Career News
The comments and e-mail messages we received after our first roundup of painful networking stories made it clear that less-than-sensational networking is alive and well across the U.S. and beyond.
Virtually every working person has at least one of these wretched networking stories to share. Here are six more of mine from the vault. As a career and workplace commentator and speaker, I get more than my share of networking overtures. The vast majority of my networking interactions are fun and lively. Every now and then, though, a clueless networker hits me up with an off-the-wall request or, even worse, ropes me into a lunch or coffee for the hall of shame, like the ones described below.
The Invitation Stealer When I teach courses on networking, I talk a lot about introductions. I classify them according to a hierarchy of desirability. The best introduction to get is the synchronous two-way e-mail variety, in which one mutual contact introduces two other people to each other and encourages them to follow up with direct contact. Second-best is, “You should call Gerry and use my name—I’ve told him all about you.” A third-class intro like “Call Gerry and tell him I told you to call” is way down the desirability scale, because if your common friend really believed in the introduction, he’d make it himself.
Well, I discovered there’a a fourth class. You can imagine my reaction when my old boss—a great guy and one of the few superaffluent people I know—wrote me to ask, “Who the heck is Jocelyn?” “Er, Jocelyn is my marketing consultant,” I said. “Well, Jocelyn called me to say she’s a friend of yours, and she tried to sell me beachfront property in Florida,” he went on. “Actual beachfront property in Florida?” I asked, appalled. “That’s such a cliché. I can’t believe people actually do that.” Jocelyn forgot that introductions happen at the behest of the introducer. Stealing an introduction is a heinous networking crime. If you want an introduction, ask for it. Don’t try to slip in on a friend’s or colleague’s coattails without getting permission to use her name as an entrée.
May I Speak During Dessert? Over the years I’ve learned to be wary when a stranger contacts me to say, “I’d love to meet you and learn more about you.” It turns out that an invitation like that comes distressingly often from a personality type who has zero interest in hearing my story and huge interest in telling me his. One day I went to lunch with one of these people, Cathy, and discovered what I now call the Entrée Rule. Here’s how it works: When you sit down at lunch with your new acquaintance, and she starts talking and doesn’t stop, you sit and listen. If your lunchmate is still telling you her life story as the waiter takes drink orders, brings the drinks, takes lunch orders, brings an appetizer (if there is one), and then brings the entrées, that’s fine. If the waiter plunks the entrées down in front of you and your lunch partner doesn’t take that cue to say, “Oh my gosh, look at me running on. I want to hear about you now,” your fate is sealed—you’re not going to speak during lunch, period. I learned that rule when I went to lunch with Cathy, who didn’t pause for breath or allow me more than a “Hmm,” “How nice,” or “Very impressive” throughout our meal. We ate. She talked. I listened and chewed. She went on.
At the end of the lunch, I knew everything I’d ever wish to know about Cathy, and way more. “That was fun!” she said, as the check came and she didn’t reach for it. Luckily, this wasn’t my first rodeo. “Split it down the middle,” I said to the waiter as I dropped my credit card on the bill. Slowly Miss Monologue reached for her Visa, and I vowed to be more choosy in accepting “Can’t wait to hear your story” invitations evermore.
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